We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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