Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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