I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
All I want is dick and wine.
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