her vagine was all disorganized.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
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