I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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