Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
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