i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
He passed out mid-signature
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize