either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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