rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
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Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
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Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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