I wanna passion pit in your ass
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
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Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
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When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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