He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize