At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
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The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
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I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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