bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize