I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
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Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
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who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
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