Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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