Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Randomize