This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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