Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize