i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize