I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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