Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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