So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
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Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
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Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
i believe in u and ur pee
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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