i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
we're chasing vodka with high fives
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize