You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Randomize