Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize