You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
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Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
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I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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