We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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