someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
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