i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
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So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
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she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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