But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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