i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
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He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
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I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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