as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize