I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
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True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
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His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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