Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize