hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I'm both gender and math confused
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize