There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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