Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
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id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
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I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
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