He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
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