My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize