in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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