real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
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Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
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