You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
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my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
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Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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