Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
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Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
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studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize