shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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