saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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