Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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