You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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