we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I just pynch a tree in the face
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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