To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
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States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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