I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize